that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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