i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
