mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's blow job season.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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