I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
are you so shy because you have an std?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
