i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
