Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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