those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
