I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
