mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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