the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
