Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
