i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
