I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
