MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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