I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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