i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
