Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
