dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
