woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
