Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
