good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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