im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
