...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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