i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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