he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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