One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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