I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
