my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
