i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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