we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize