I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
