she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
