you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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