yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize