The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i will never coherently bang her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
