Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
