32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
