Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize