he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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