Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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