Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
