I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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