Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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