i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize