Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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