i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
