Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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