No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
