Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
