its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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