She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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