Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize