awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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