Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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