you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
