Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am mentally ready for anal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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