I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize