Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
