I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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