Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dick has a subreddit
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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