I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
