Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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