I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
