he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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