woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
