Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
