Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize