So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
